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  • Aedan Tanner

Meditators Anonymous | (for those still jonesin' for the void of silence)

Hi,


My name is Aedan and I am an addict.


[silence.]


Most people wouldn’t describe me as an addict. I’m clean, straight-and-narrow, and kempt. But I recognize my binges. I recognize the consumptive pattern, from booze to mobile games to sex to porn to food to anything I can put into me.

I was addicted to depression, death, and duality. I’m sorry because I hurt a lot of people on that journey. So, I began to forgive, self-inquire, go within, become mindful, and MEDITATE.

I had one name but I could be anyone for the sake of people pleasing. I even changed my name because who I was before NEEDED meditation. His name is Dog-Glass Almost-Dead. His name is Dog-Glass Almost-Dead. (think Fight Club, but in reverse and with a healthy dose of femininity)

I was so depressed and suicidal I needed something to self-medicate and waste my time with rather than misery and navel-gazing.


Does any of this resonate?


[silence.]


Who I am now is someone who is always meditative, but the drawback is that my brain is caught in one mode: peace, magnanimity, sloth, and eternal love a.k.a. isolation.


I am so grateful for neuroplasticity and time. Blessed be this now becoming a greater now!

The more I turn from an isolationist or a hermit or a monk, the more I value solitude as a choice. And in turn, the more I value choice: the choice to leave the house, to converse with others, ignore others, spend money thoughtlessly, eat too much, fast too much, climb a mountain or sit in my own filth, practice mediocrity, buffoonery, or general tomfoolery. I’ve never heard a sage say ‘tomfoolery.’ They experience “joy,” but sages and gurus and teachers are so sedentary and the money is just wracked in with a garden rake.


I practiced isolation and was so addicted to “silence, stillness, and peace” that I forgot that this world is loud, chaotic, and at war with itself. So I needed to kick the bucket.

The problem is that my brain is now in a meditative reverie. I couldn’t kick a bucket or kill a fly. But I’m remembering what it’s like to be sober; sobriety is all about not needing anything to make me complete.


I am eternally complete, and meditation is just another unnecessary addition to the perfect sum.

I'm learning to balance the Meditative Sage with the Go-Get-Em Upstart with the Charismatic Jokester. Clarity meets drive meets fun.


So on I go into the beautiful experience of HUMAN LIFE.

There are an over-abundant plethora of choices and opportunities. Meditation is just one, and isn’t one the loneliest number?


Meditatively and Robustly Signing Off,


Aedan “Silent-No-More” Tanner

(the artist formerly known as Douglas Olmstead)


#addiction #meditation #selfrealization #joy #choice